Men are Trash, Women Are Trash

Hello friends, welcome to my new series 'Men Are Trash, Women Are Trash' where I take millennial lingo that I have heard on twitter and try to make sense of it. Now if I had a dollar for every time I have heard someone say, "[whatever] is trash" I would not have to go to the gym, I would just be skinny. And If I had a dollar for every time I used the word 'trash' to describe something bad, I would not be living with my grandma. Friends, I would be willing to bet you two dollars that you have heard the word 'trash' used in a similar manner before. Personally, I have heard this term/expression the most when people are describing their opposite sex. Yes, sadly, all I hear from people in the dating world is that men are trash, or that women are trash. In fact, go on Instagram and look up #trash and I guarantee you will find memes referring (rather unfairly) to how men are trash. I was wondering if people would say the same thing if they were put on the spot. So I surveyed 8 men and 8 women, not all 16 peoples answers were used because some of the responses were not detailed enough or did not make sense. Some responses have been edited for length and clarity. The survey included in this post asks questions that I thought would provide a little background into the person answering so I could get a better idea of why or why not they think men or women are trash. Again, while I sent this survey to many people, I only decided to publish the answers that I felt were clear and thought out. Respondents decided on their own who they would be identified as. The results were mildly interesting. Enjoy.   

1. What is your current view on dating?
Male, 23, Single--It's not just extra curricular for me any more, I don't want to date unless I can see myself with you forever.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--My current view on dating is it can be the most interesting, heart warming, fun , blissful thing to happen to you if it's with someone who generally has the same understanding on what dating really is all about. (Going on dates, figuring out activities that either you both have in common or that you both want to introduce to each other, having the same mental and love language).
Virgo White Boy 365--I think it's pretty great. 
Anonymous Libra Woman--I am a relationship type of person, I like being with someone all the time.
Male, 25, Boston--I think there are two types. There is dating for fun (see: tinder) and there is serious dating in pursuit of a relationship. Both are fun, but only one is worth it. 
Rebecca, Santa Ana--My current view on dating is it’s such a pain. 

2. Have you always felt this way? If not, what made you change your view?
Male, 23, Single--No. I got heartbroken bad enough.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--I've always had high expectations/ high hopes on the perfect relationship that I knew I've always wanted. (I watched too many romantic movies.)
Virgo White Boy 365--No, I didn't always feel that way. What changed my view was The person I am currently seeing.
Anonymous Libra Woman--I've always been this way. I was in a 10 year relationship up until recently.
Male, 25, Boston--I have always felt this way. Luckily I have never been hurt by women, I have had pretty chill relationships and I am friends with a lot of my exes. But I get that for a lot of guys this is not the case.
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I used to enjoy getting to know new people. After being cheated on by my best friend of 4 years, and then having that lead into a relationship where I was raped, my ability to judge people was completely shattered.

3. Who hurt you? Be honest.
Male, 23, Single--My last girlfriend. More self inflicted than anything but still. Shit hurts me to my core.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--I've been hurt by my first love Javier.
Virgo White Boy 365--A girl named Aney.
Anonymous Libra Woman--My ex.
Male, 25, Boston--None of my girlfriends have been nasty after a break up, but what did hurt me in the past was when one of the girls I dumped went on to be happy and get married. I began to feel that I could have been that guy.
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I mean, it’s been a while. But I think they all did. If we’re talking about, deep, person changing, hurts then Martin and Jesus. My rapist and the cheater.

4. Who have you hurt? Be honest.
Male, 23, Single--Me.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--Myself.
Virgo White Boy 365--I don't think I've hurt anyone. 
Anonymous Libra Woman--My ex.
Male, 25, Boston--Probably myself in that I have been with girls that love me and I just was not ready to love them back and I could have had something great but I did not. Luckily those girls woke up and got the hell away from me.
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I think I hurt them all as well.

5. In the majority of your relationships, were you the pursuer or the pursued?
Male, 23, Single--I was pursued. 
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--Pursuer.
Virgo White Boy 365--The pursuer.
Anonymous Libra Woman--I was pursued.
Male, 25, Boston--Pursuer, mostly. 
Rebecca, Santa Ana--Since college it’s been online dating so mutual? But prior to college, I was pursued.

6. In the majority of your relationships who initiated the breakup?
Male, 23, Single--Not me.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--Me. When I don't like something I tend to pack up all that I brought into the relationship (love, light, time and myself) and leave. 
Virgo White Boy 365--The other people. 
Anonymous Libra Woman--Me.
Male, 25, Boston--Always the girls. I went out with some great girls, but could never commit. They wise up after a while fellas, at least the good ones do, so put a ring on it.
Rebecca, Santa Ana--This one’s a decent split. The last two [ I  have been dumped]. The one before [my current partner] wanted to get back together but I realized it wasn’t going to work and [ I ] wasn’t gonna go for it. Prior to that, I unfortunately think I’ve always been the dumper. 

7. How do you, personally, deal with heartbreak?
Male, 23, Single--Not fucking well.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--I tend to seek attention that I know I can get and deserve elsewhere and then I roll up blunt after blunt. 
Virgo White Boy 365--I change up completely, I cut everything off ? I change my phone number. I don't try and regain anything. 
Anonymous Libra Woman--Shack up with someone else.
Male, 25, Boston--Party with my friends. Drink some liquor, eat some taco bell. 
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I play video games. I go out with friends and drink and play pool and have food and sleep overs. I throw myself in a hobby or work or school. I definitely distract myself until I’m emotionally able to deal with the loss. It usually takes about 2 weeks until I’m near baseline enough to go about things normally. 

8. If someone told you they think men are trash, would you agree? Why or why not?
Male, 23, Single--Mostly these days yeah. They play too many games and have been led to believe that showing their emotions/whats on their mind is a crime so they don't ever tell the truth about shit and therefore dig themselves into a hole.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--If someone told me they think men are trash I wouldn't agree or disagree . I Haven't met too many men.
Virgo White Boy 365--Yeah, *laugh* I'd agree. Why ? Because a lot of my friends....are.
Anonymous Libra Woman--Yes because every man that I've encountered has been a liar and a cheater.
Male, 25, Boston--Yes. Because I am a walking example. My friends are examples. I do not mean it like we are bad people, I think men are trash in that we can never recognize a good thing. We are trash at cherishing and loving. We do not deserve women most of the time.
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I literally could not roll my eyes harder at this statement. No. It’s not true. Most of my friends and guys. They can all be occasionally trash, and so can I. I’ve been a heartless bitch to some people, some I regret and some I don’t. It’s the same with men. Some men are absolutely trash. But not all of them. 

9. If someone told you they think women are trash, would you agree? Why or why not?
Male, 23, Single--Depends on how they act/how they are. It's pretty even on this one. There are some snake ass women out there who play men for money and don't care how they look from the outside looking in to get there and there are some genuine ones who just want to not be lied to and treated nice. There's also really vain women out there today as well. Those aren't obviously the only ways it goes, the world isn't as black and white as that but the majority of women I know fit into one of those categories.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--If someone told me women are trash I'd just laugh. I can't speak for every woman out there.
Virgo White Boy 365--Women are trash [...] I don't agree. Why? Because I know a couple good women in my life. 
Anonymous Libra Woman--Wait what? Women are trash? No, women are goddesses!
Male, 25, Boston--I would not agree. I think the ones that act like trash have been hurt by trash men, so that all goes back to the fact that men are trash. 
Rebecca, Santa Ana--I will say women tend to be more confusing. Running hot and cold, being slick about it or starting shit then playing victim. Not all women are trash, but some absolutely are.

10. What is your advice to someone who wants to find love?
Male, 23, Single--Patience. Don't rush and settle because those will be wasted years you can't get back.
Theelovelytiff, 22, OC--Never fall in love with someone who doesn't have intentions of loving you back. Don't force anyone to love you. 
Virgo White Boy 365--Be patient.
Anonymous Libra Woman--Stop looking . Let it find you.
Male, 25, Boston--Chill out, take your time, and when you are ready pull the trigger and never look back. 
Rebecca, Santa Ana--Be unabashedly yourself. This is not to say whatever faults you have should be everyone else’s problem to deal with. Find someone who encourages you to improve yourself in whatever ways you need it. Careful to avoid people who are controlling or have ulterior motives or use whatever you’re trying to improve in order to put you down. Your significant other is not a mind reader. They don’t have your experiences, they don’t make the mental connections that you do. If you have needs that aren’t being met, please, tell them and give them a chance to correct, and hope they do the same. 

While most of the answers were to be expected, I thought it was fun to pick peoples brains about a subject that is relevant to most of our lives. I found the insight from the males a bit more interesting because I have never really heard many males talk in detail about their serious views on dating. As you can see, while they were not as vocal as the women, they provided some great advice. The consensus here seemed to be that yes men and women are trash, but not ALL men and women are trash. This is a nice reminder to keep yourself reasonably open to new people, while giving them a chance to get to know you. Most of the respondents agreed that patience is the best virtue when it comes to finding love, while being yourself was also a popular tip. I would like to thank all of my wonderful participants for taking the time to answer my survey. I would also like to invite my readers to message me any questions or comments you have for the participants. Until next time friends.