Five Signs He (Or She) Ain't Shit
1. You Can't Be Yourself Around Them.
When you first start dating someone, you are usually on your best behavior. I get that. You want to put your best foot forward, and I think its nice. But eventually, as the relationship progresses, you should feel more comfortable being yourself around this person. Feeling like you need to act a certain way, speak a certain way, or control yourself in anyway to be around this person is exhausting and sad. It is even worse if this person is pressuring you to act differently in order for them to want to be around you. If someone really wants you around, they will want you around, not some fake version of you.
2. They Do Not Treat You Like A Priority.
School, work, family, there are going to many things keeping us busy. We are all busy, but when you really love someone, you make them a priority. Now, I am not saying they should drop everything for you at a moments notice, but I kind of am. When you like, or love someone, they are important to you. So important in fact, that you would make sacrifices for them. You want to be around them, and you want them to have no doubt about it. To some guys and girls this one might sound a little extreme. But I know when I finally fell in love with my fiance, he was made a priority. I still had work, school, and other things going on, but I always made time to see him. I have a dear friend who is dating someone she is really in love with. She was taking 20 college units and he was working. They still managed to see each other. I remember she would tell me they would go weeks without seeing each other, but they would make the effort, even if it was for one hour.
3. They Do Not See You.
Now, I do not mean he does not spend time with you. I mean he does not see you for who you really are. Loving someone is not loving how they make you feel, it is loving them as they are at their core. When someone is in love with you they will notice things about you that others do not. They may even see things you do not. Maybe they notice how you interact with others, how others feel when you are around, how you process emotions or, most beautifully, how your mind works. For those of you saying this is expecting too much, you have never been in love. It is these little nuances that make you fall for someone in the first place. If someone loves you they will appreciate the full scope of who you are, and most importantly see who you are.
4. They Do Not Ask You Questions.
Sherlock Holmes they will never be, but they should be interested in you. In fact, they should be dying to know all about you. This goes hand in hand with number three. When you are interested in getting to know someone, you want to know all about them. You want to know what makes them tick, what their sense of humor is like, what their favorite food is. Why? Because this translates into how interactions with them in the future will go. You are making a conscious decision to give a shit. What better way to know you want someone around for the long haul than to simply ask them questions? If the person you are dating could care less if you are John Wayne Gacy or Mother Theresa, you are not with someone who cares about you. In fact, you are simply taking up space.
5. They Do Not Put In Effort.
If you are an adult you should realize that words mean absolutely nothing unless they are backed up by actions. There are pathetic people out there who will say anything to keep you around. Yes, they are being honest when they say "I want you in my life," because they want to keep the benefits you provide them with without requiring any effort on their part. Do not confuse these assholes for someone who struggles with expressing their love for you. The way to tell the difference is the person that really just does not know how to show you they love you, just needs direction. If you are supportive and loving while giving them this direction and they still do not step up, then they are playing you. A persons unwillingness to make adjustments when you give specific requests, is not just a huge red flag, it is THE red flag. If the person you want to be with is not putting in the same amount of effort you are, they ain't shit. If the person you are with is not ready to step up with actions and not just sweet talk, they ain't shit. If you accept less than, you will receive less than and it is your responsibility to correct that. It all boils down to telling them to shit or get off the pot.
Believe me friends, when you find the right person, when you find someone that really loves you and wants to be with you, there wont be any of this bullshit going on. Real love is being yourself. Real love is being a priority. Real love is them wanting to know who are are. Real love is putting in some damn effort because they know your worth. Please, do not waste your precious time with anyone who treats you less than. In the end, you will look back and want to slap yourself. Why waste your time feeling like shit, when you could be spending time with someone that loves you unconditionally and makes you feel every type of happy. For those of you who feel like you will never find this person, YOU probably will not, because you have already made up your mind that this person does not exist. You have made up your mind that this is too much to ask for, because you feel that you are not worth it. If that is the case, I cannot help you. To everyone else that knows their worth and is ready to love and be loved, I promise you, you will be.
